Lumpy Ailya...

The new thing in my life these days has been getting to know a totally wonderful girl 'Lumpy' hehehe who also happens to be my cousin. She has got so much to offer - its amazing but the sad fact is - she just doesnt want to acknowledge herself... which makes me think about the Esteem factor. To sum up views, I think self-esteem, on whatever level is an intimate experience, it resides in the core of our being. It is what I think and feel about myself, not what someone else thinks or feels about me. As children our self-confident and self-respect ca be nurtured or undermined by adults - according to whether we are respected, loved, valued, and encouraged to trust ourselves. But even in our early years our own choices and decision play a crucial role in the level of self-esteem we ultimately develop. We are far from being merely passive receptacles of other people's view of us. and in any case, whatever our upbringing may have been, as adults the matter is in our own hands. No one else can breathe for us, no one else can think for us, no one else can thrust self-trust and self-love upon us. I can be loved by my family, my mate, and my friends and yet not love myself. I can be admired by my associates and yet regard myself as worthless. I can project an image of assurance and poise that fools virtually everyone and yet secretly tremble with a sense of my inadequacy. I can fulfill the expectations of other and yet fail my own; I can win every honor and yet feel I have accomplished nothing; I can be adored by millions and yet wake up each morning with a sickening sense of fraudulence and emptiness. To attain "success" without attaining positive self-esteem is to be condemned to feeling like an impostor anxiously awaiting exposure. Just as the acclaim of other does not create our self-esteem, neither do knowledge, skill, material possessions, marriage, parenthood, charitable endeavors, sexual conquests, or face lifts. These things can sometimes make us feel better about ourselves temporarily, or more comfortable in particular situations; but comfort is not self-esteem. The tragedy is that so many people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, so they fail in their search. Positive self-esteem is best understood as a kind of spiritual attainment - that is, as a victory in the evolution of consciousness. When we being to understand self-esteem in this way, as a condition of consciousness, we appreciate the foolishness of believing that if we can only manage to make a positive impression on others we will then enjoy positive self-regard. We will stop telling ourselves; if only I get one more promotion; if only I become a wife and mother; if only I am perceived to be a good provider; if only I can afford a bigger care; if only I can write on more book acquire one more company, one more lover, one more award, one more acknowledgement of my 'selflessness" - then I will really feel at peace with myself. We will realize that since the quest is irrational, the longing will always be for "one more". If self-esteem is the judgment that I am appropriate to life, the experience of competence and worth - if self-esteem is self-affirming consciousness, a mind that trusts itself - no one can generate this experience except myself. When we appreciate that true nature of self-esteem, we see that it is not competitive or comparative. Genuine self-esteem is not expressed by self-glorification at the expense of others, or by the quest to make oneself superior to other to diminish others so as to elevate oneself. Arrogance, boastfulness, an the overestimation of our abilities reflect inadequate self-esteem rather than too much self-esteem. One of the most significant characteristics of healthy self-esteem is that it is the state of one who is not at war either with himself or others. The importance of healthy self-esteem lies in the fact that it is the foundation of our ability to respond actively and positively to the opportunities of life - in work, in love, and in play. It is also the foundation of that serenity of spirit that makes possible the enjoyment of life. Would'nt you agree? oh hum! Life is beautiful, time is precious. At the mark of this new years, I would like to look forward to a lot of things ... and with the attitude that matters. ;)